Mommy, I love you

Yesterday I was standing outside in my driveway I noticed the words “We love you, Mommy” scrawled unto my driveway with sidewalk chalk. My girls aren’t old enough to spell, and the writing was perfect, girly, loopy writing. I think the culprit might be Amy (or was it maybe Luc?). To the not-so-mysterious message giver, I thank you. It warmed my heart.

I received a call from the receptionist on the oncology floor. I have an “education day” scheduled with the nurse for April 27th. On this day I will sit with her and ask her any questions I have, and she will answer the questions I hadn’t even thought of. I have been trying to put together a little list of questions so I don’t forget to ask anything. I also have an appointment on May 1st to have a portacath inserted. The doctor had originally wanted me to get a PICC line, but when the nurse called yesterday, I explained that having a PICC line concerned me because Stella, my 19 month old, would likely pull on it. Just the thought of that makes my eyes roll into the back of my head slightly. I’ll be given a couple of days to heal from my portacath insertion, and on May 3rd I start an intensive 6 rounds of chemo (explained in my last post). I’m still waiting to hear from the receptionist for my MUGA scan (heart scan) appointment. It is exciting, in a strange way, to finally start chemo. I’m debating on whether or not I should shave my head now, or wait until after my first treatment.

Melodie has spontaneously been saying to me “mommy, I love you”. It is a strange thing to be a mother. I have never once craved the affection of someone so much before. Hearing her say it is like medicine for my soul. I hug her close to me and take in that sweet smell that only babies and small children have, and I know that I can fight. 

I’ve been periodically running my fingers through my mom’s hair – one of her most favourite things in the world. Mom likes to be pampered. It’s my little way of thanking her for working tirelessly to take care of the kids and maintain order in the house. Let me take my cue from Melodie and say, Mommy, I love you.